


Of Water & Despair.

by CancerianWastelandCat



Series: OH&W (Aozuki) [2]
Category: SCREW (Band), the GazettE
Genre: Angst, Heartbreak, M/M, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-03
Updated: 2017-12-03
Packaged: 2019-02-10 03:23:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,436
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12902895
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CancerianWastelandCat/pseuds/CancerianWastelandCat
Summary: Aoi's trying, it's in vain and Kazuki has to learn the hard way.





	Of Water & Despair.

 

He was this close to losing it. What exactly he didn’t know, he just knew that he was _losing_.

Kazuki’s confession had changed just about everything. Starting to “love him” wasn’t as easy as he had expected. Aoi could make a lot of things happen by just a snap of his fingers but not this. It didn’t just work like magic.

How foolish had he been, telling Kazuki he would “try to love him.” Fuck, it’d probably been the stupidest thing to ever come out of his mouth. But not only had it been stupid, no, it had been a lie, too. Something he had spoken without a second thought.

Because how could Aoi try to love somebody when his heart already belonged to someone else? Someone who _wasn’t_ Kazuki.

A week had passed since Kazuki’s confession and they had started texting on a daily basis. It felt all kinds of strange, having to be flirty again, having to show _care_. It felt unauthentic to him.

A week had been enough to convince Aoi that what he was doing was absolutely absurd. The guilt eating away at his gut left him in the most unreal pain but it didn’t help in any shape, way or form. He only felt more and more miserable everyday.

Besides that, a week had, by far, not been enough to keep Aoi away from the drug that was his bandmate.

  
~*~

  
This had probably been one of the best concerts the band had given in a long time. Kazuki felt exhausted but energetic at the same time once he left the VIP rows and stepped into the backstage area of the venue.  
  
He couldn’t wait to see Aoi again. Admittedly, it did seem like the guitarist hadn’t been flirting for quite a while but Kazuki found his attempts rather cute. He felt like a lot of weight had been lifted off of his heart and shoulders thanks to their conversation three weeks ago.

Kazuki wondered if Aoi’s feelings had already begun to change? Was he maybe starting to feel something? Anything?  
  
But he couldn’t dwell on it for too long. He was sure Aoi was going to approach him when the right time had come. So instead of worrying too much, Kazuki made his way down the corridor and knocked on the band’s dressing room once he’d reached it.

“Great show!” he greeted them as Reita opened, “All your performances really were amazing. Almost made me want to get back into it myself!”

He earned a few laughs and thanks from Kai and Ruki in response but the one man he had been looking for was nowhere to be seen. Kazuki stepped awkwardly from one foot to the other.

“Um, I don’t mean to be a nuisance but… where’s Aoi?”

Surely Aoi had told his bandmates that he… had a new love going on? Surely Aoi hadn’t just dismissed their growing relationship as something not worth being mentioned to his friends. Right?

Kai lifted his eyes and for some reason Kazuki couldn’t explain, there was something like a warning in them.

“Isn’t he with- “

“He’s in his dressing room,” Ruki cut the drummer off with a glimpse that seemed equally cautionary.

“Is something the matter?” Kazuki asked quickly but nobody answered him and he began to grow confused. Why were Kai and Ruki having a stare-off in front of him? And where even was Uruha?

“Is Aoi alright?”

“He is,” Kai nodded quickly but the information Kazuki had really needed came from Ruki’s mouth, at last.

“Down the hallway, it’s the second door on the left.”

Kazuki heaved a sigh of relief and bowed quickly before he left the room. He was still worried. Maybe Aoi had exhausted himself too much during the show? Maybe he could help him relax a little…

He was torn out of his wonderfully suggestive thoughts when a familiar voice called out his name. As he turned around, he came face to face with Reita and gave him a look of curiosity. What was it?

“Kaz, don’t…”

The bassist seemed uncomfortable about something. What was going on?

“What? Is Aoi really not feeling well?”

“No no, he is, I’m just saying… you shouldn’t… go in there.”

Now he was more than confused. Kazuki narrowed his eyes and grimaced incredulously.

“Why wouldn’t I?”

Reita hemmed and hawed. It seemed really difficult for him to say whatever it was that he wanted to get out.

“I… just because, he…. he’s… He’s with Uruha.”

They blinked at each other for several seconds. Why was Reita looking like he was expecting him to have a breakdown or something? Aoi was with his bandmate, that was nothing unusual after they’d just given a show.

“So?” he questioned and shrugged with a smile, “I’m sure I won’t be much of a disturbance.”

Kazuki turned and continued to make his way down the hallway. He hadn’t seen Uruha in quite a while, actually, so he was excited to meet him again as well.

 

_“I told you he wouldn’t get it, Rei.”_

_“I had to try… Fuck Taka, do you really think we should let him run straight into his ruin like this?”_

_“Aoi never should’ve started this in the first place. It’s better for Kazuki to find out about them now rather than later.”_

_“Maybe you’re right.”_

 

~*~

 

“Ugh… come on, you should take this off.”

“Getting naughty in the dressing room? That’s very unlike you, Aoi.”

Aoi groaned and tugged at the fabric his fingers were digging into. “Kiss me and shut up.”

Uruha giggled but complied and opened the buttons of his vest so that Aoi could yank it off his shoulders.

Their intimacy had always been like this, ever since it had started. Raw and hurried, in full makeup and with layers of sweat and heat between their clothes. Or at least the ones they didn’t get rid of during the first few minutes.

He loved it, tangling his fingers in the damp hair at the back of Aoi’s neck, battling their tongues, pushing against Aoi’s groin, the firm grip on his hips… Uruha was living for it all, more than anyone, more than Kazuki ever could.

The thought made him smirk as he dipped his head back, granting Aoi’s lips access to the sensitive spots on his neck that, when kissed like they were now, had him moan and writhe on his bandmate’s lap.

Oh how distressed Aoi had been because of his kouhai’s confession… Uruha could only scoff inwardly. Kazuki would never get any of this. Kazuki would never even lay a finger on Aoi the way Uruha did. And Kazuki would most certainly never get over the shock of walking in on them.

He came stumbling into the room and whatever he had wanted to exclaim died away in his throat like rotten leaves, falling like the expression on his face that turned from joy to sheer horror.

  
~*~

  
Something in his chest hurt. It was burning him, from the inside out.

He was gaping at the scene before him, so obvious there was no way he could deny it.  
So that was what Reita had been meaning to tell him. Aoi was _with Uruha_. Aoi had been with Uruha _all along_.

It felt like the longest and most painful ten seconds Kazuki had ever been through. It took five seconds until Aoi noticed that Uruha wasn’t responding to his kisses anymore, three until he looked up and two until he turned around.

As Kazuki inhaled and their gazes met, Aoi’s eyes widened and he visibly tensed, sitting up with his lips parted as if he was going to say something. As if he was going to apologize for this treason, for playing with him _yet again_ , knowingly this time. But even when Kazuki exhaled the breath he’d been holding, there was nothing.

Ironically enough though, Uruha was the one to make the first move.

“I… should get going,” he dared to smile and lifted himself off of Aoi’s lap with such elegance Kazuki was convinced he did it on purpose.

He felt like a statue of stone the entire time. Uruha gathered his vest and bag from the floor and it took all the strength he could muster for Kazuki to not look at the blond when he passed him to leave the room.

The door clicked and silence returned. Aoi had his back turned on him and Kazuki wondered what was going through his head. Perhaps he was asking himself how he could’ve been so stupid to agree to this, or he was trying to figure out how to soothe Kazuki’s churning emotions without making him feel like he had just done it for pity’s sake.

Because Kazuki knew that was what it was. Pity. It had just been pity all this time.

When he finally spoke, Kazuki’s eyes felt like they had taken roots on the raven’s shoulder blades.

“I didn’t know you were going to be here tonight.”

His eyes began burning and flickering, like a meadow in drought. Kazuki couldn’t move, no, couldn’t even blink. Was that… all Aoi had to say? Was this supposed to mean that, if he _had_ known, Aoi probably _wouldn’t_ have engaged with his bandmate and he probably _wouldn’t_ have, ever, told Kazuki about his affair?

It seemed like the actual roots had struck inside his vocal chords because Kazuki found himself incapable of replying. He felt hurt and empty, sore and so tired.

Aoi suddenly arose and fetched himself a glass of water from a small side table. His beautiful features mirrored bitterness, hurting with how painfully obvious it was that he was trying to distract himself from the damage he’d done.

“Kaz… I’m- “

“How long have you been with him?”

Kazuki’s voice was nothing but a caw but it didn’t matter. He needed to know. Had Aoi really been lying to him the whole time?  
Ultimately, he managed to take a few steps towards Aoi and even though he hadn’t wanted to cry, which was a ridiculous intent to begin with, he couldn’t quite keep his eyes from watering the closer he got.

Aoi avoided his gaze.

“Kaz, I… Uruha and me, that’s not… we’re not serious.”

_He doesn’t really think that’s going to excuse anything, does he?_

“I don’t care,” Kazuki sniffed and wiped at tears that weren’t falling yet, “Tell me how long.”

It was then that Aoi finally looked up and it almost took Kazuki’s breath away. He recalled the night three weeks ago and he saw a similar expression on Aoi’s face right now, concerned and saddened. But why… Why did he look so distant, too? Was it because he knew he had failed? Or was it because all of this had been a game right from the start and Aoi only had to get rid of him now?

Did this mean nothing to him?

“Don’t make me say it,” Aoi sighed.

_“Tell me.”_

Aoi didn’t. He didn’t speak, didn’t look at him, didn’t seem to care for anything but the god damn glass of water in his hands. And just like three weeks ago, Kazuki was this close to exploding.

“Kazuki, please- “

_“How long, Aoi?!”_

With a sudden and booming peng, Kazuki swooshed the jar out of Aoi’s hands, it twisted and turned several times, water splashed to the floor before milliseconds after, the glass hit the ground and burst into pieces with a noise almost as loud as Aoi’s voice that abruptly came toppling against Kazuki’s chest.

“Three years!” he exclaimed with a tone so desperate it surprised even himself and had Kazuki stumbling backwards, “It’s been three years, okay?!”

He was speechless. Utterly aghast as he stared at the man before him. Their chests were heaving and Aoi looked at him like a deer caught in headlights. Kazuki was sure he didn’t look any different.

_Three years?_

“You…” Kazuki muttered, not very sure if talking was a good idea when his ribcage felt like it was about to rupture.

“You lied to me… All this time… You acted as if…” he began shaking his head, feeling the delirium starting to boil in his blood,”…as if I had a chance, you… you thought I would give up eventually, didn’t you?”

“No, Kazuki, listen- “

“You thought that… you could keep me hanging for a while and then… tell me it just doesn’t work. You… pitied me.”

The first sob broke loose from his throat and he staggered further back, one step for every one Aoi ventured forward. A veil of foggy tears took away his sight but he was thankful, for the hurt grimace on Aoi’s face would’ve only fueled his cries even more.

_“You pitied me.”_

Kazuki pressed a hand to his lips but dropped it immediately as if the memory of how Aoi’s had felt against them was like poison on his skin.

“I told you I love you and all you have for me is _pity?_ I can’t believe you…”

Once again, he brushed the back of his hand across his cheeks and nose, wiping _everything_ away.

“I never should have believed in you in the first place.”

The look on Aoi’s face was one of defeat. There were no words of defense or apology coming from him. He wasn’t abnegating anything and yet, confirming everything.

When footsteps resounded behind them, Kazuki sank his teeth deeply into his lip. He knew who it was that just entered the room, scanned the wet mess of water and glass shards and was not trying to hide his triumphant grin in the least.

“Are you coming, Aoi?” Uruha asked.

“ _No,_ I have to- “

“Yes,” Kazuki cut him off, “he’s coming.”

He straightened his back, despite the heavy weight on his shoulders and in his chest. Maybe his heart really was broken by now.

Uruha seemed indeed triumphant but Kazuki tried not to let it get to him. He tugged the sleeves of his pullover down, sniffed once more and only stopped walking once he was one foot out the room.

Then he turned back around and let his eyes roam back and forth between the two guitarists for a few seconds. A stray tear rolled down his cheek but he didn’t bother taking care of it. Crying he could do at home.

He raised his voice just as Uruha seemed about to launch into speaking but his eyes were focused on one man, and one man only. And Kazuki wondered if he was ever really going to stop loving him.

“Maybe _teasing_ is really all you’re good for.”

In three years, perhaps.


End file.
